lately, i have too much on my mind to the point where i cannot single out one solid thought. i think/feel so many things at once yet i cant pin point one. i wish i could simplify everything right now and just focus! focus on school, work, church, music, etc. but instead everything is smooshed into an indistinguishable spice. you can’t figure out the flavor but the curiosity is stuck in your head.
I want a real relationship. With someone I could kick it with, someone I could be completely comfortable around. People now are so materialistic. So needy. It’s not about the money, it’s not about spoiling one another. It’s about being you around your partner. I want to be with a girl who is comfortable around me. No fake shit. A girl that’s a friend. A girl that I can show off to my friends. That’s all. I don’t care about anything else.
there needs to be more guys like this in the world.
Everywhere you go, all you really here is “if your a student, school comes first.” but really? the more i think about it, that phrase couldn’t be more wrong than it already is. if you put school before EVERYTHING else, you’d be a selfish person who has no relationship with family or friends, you’d have no WORLD skills, no simple joy (unless u REALLY enjoy the heck out of studying), and all you’d have is you and your brain. really? what has society turned us into. and plus, school CAN’T be the main priority for everyone. the people that actually have the chance to put school first before everything have it lucky. i consider that a luxury. there’s people out there who have kids while going to school, that have families to provide for while going to school, and etc. so really? putting school first isn’t everything.
i’m sitting here tryna write a research paper thats due technically later today for my history class and i just kept askin myself “why the heck am i so unmotivated or distracted and can’t get myself to focussss!!!” all i wanna do is just sit at my piano and write. the end. if i had the luxury to just spend all my days sitting and writing, i’d be in my happiest state.
but, “priorities” as a student wont allow me to do so.
so for now, gotta pull an all nighter for this paper while my heads somewhere else.
So today, my aunt let me off work early to go visit my grandma. She recently had surgery. I actually think its humorous how i thought i could get away with just writing her a card. I haven’t had much time with her like one-on-one and yea, it was kind of awkward but in more of a respectful way i guess. I miss being able to just be playful with her and say anything i wanted without thinking. I wish i had the liberty to just express myself with her. but even through the awkwardness, i know the old us is still somewhere there :)
i love you grandma and thank you for the life lessons today.
Is it so wrong for a girl to dream? Lol. Delusions are different from dreams. I was born with a heart and mind that craves wild, out of the ordinary things in every aspect of life. Some are bigger dreamers than others and I’m afraid I have the worst case. Yea it can be disappointing but without this ability, life would not be as fun :) so dream on dreamers! Because you never know where your dreams will take you!